"You can be anything you want to be when you grow up." (If you are accepted into the system)

Here I am. Sitting in the dark, with the only light coming from light blue glow of my computer screen. There is a fan oscillating soft white-noise in the background. I sit here in this place, alone with my thoughts, ready to share my desires and fears with an audience I have never met and probably never will. I'm not really sure what I expect to achieve or obtain from posting my thoughts. Perhaps, I should be more concerned with what I can give to others through them, rather than focusing on what I can receive from posting them. We'll see what happens I guess, as this is only my first blog.

As I sit here, staring at a blinking curser, my thoughts race through the random events that have occurred throughout my week, and life in general. Let me bring you up to speed. Going way back, I grew up in Rockford Michigan, where I went to public school and studied nearly every waking moment. I wouldn't really classify myself as a geek, but more as an overachiever. I had big plans and ideas for where I wanted my life to go and who I wanted to become. Its funny how my big ideas have changed with time, and how some of the small details that seemed insignificant to me as a child, have come to define who I am today. That's life I guess. As a child, many of my friends had big dreams too; many claiming the classic policemen or firefighters careers. We were children, desiring action packed and adventurous careers that would fulfill our appetite for heroic-like attention and praise. I was the same, apart from my choice of career. I wanted to be a doctor of medicine. I even had my very own FisherPrice doctors bag, complete with stethoscope, blood pressure cuff, plastic thermometer, and parabolic head mirror (like physicians from the 1920's used to wear). I would have so much fun, running around and "treating" my sick friends and family members. Playing doctor was entertaining to a point, but somewhere deep from within my simple yet mature soul, came a desire for something more. My desire was not to be a heroic action figure, but rather a humble servant. If you are questioning how a child could conceive such a plan or novel thought and fully understand its level of depth and responsibility, the honest answer is that I couldn't. I only knew what I felt from within, that feeling of being called to something bigger than oneself. One of the first comments I made for service came when I was at the age of five. I wanted to help the poor people plant corn. Yes, my logic was impeccable. If I could teach a man to plant corn, rather than feed it to them, they would eat for life. I believe this was my own spin on the "teach a man to fish" story. Deep down, I really just wanted to help people. I had been given a heart for service and a desire to "heal" the sick. During the sixth grade, I began my quest for a medical degree. I studied harder than I had ever studied before. I sacrificed my social life, my personal time and my some of my closest friendships to absorb everything medically related. I had found my calling. During my senior year of  high school, I had participated in a pilot program that immersed students in internships for their career of choice. I was the only medically interested student in the class and was able to have my choice of job sites. I chose the Metropolitan Heath Clinic (now MetroHealth) down the road from my house. I worked with three doctors (all DO's), a PA and a whole slew of nurses and medical staff. It was the time of my life. I felt as if I was already a medical student seeing patients, helping with in-office surgeries, and learning how to make my own diagnoses. It was wonderful, it was everything I had always want to do and experience. I remember one rainy day during the staff lunch break, a drug rep. pushing some new medications had brought us in food (as they normally do to bribe the doctors into listening to their spiel). There was a clear separation in the room between the doctors, nurses and tech's. The doctors sat at one end of the room, occupying their own table apart from the nurses and the rest of the medical staff. On this particular day, I was invited to the doctors table. It was a little awkward at first, as I felt pressured to be professional and yet knew little of what that meant. My fears soon turned to excitement, as the one doctor asked me what my plans were following High School. I was eager to share with him, my aspirations for a medical degree. I was so excited, so ready for him to reciprocate these feelings and share his passion for medicine. What I received was far different. I remember his response: "So,  you want to be a physician, huh? Well, its not all its cracked up to be." Looking to his colleague at his right: "ha, if only being a doctor was still worth it". The other doctor at the table then remarked: "Ha, yeah, your still young, you are not committed to this yet. You still have time to chose something different. You still have time to escape." I was absolutely speechless.

I realize, this blog is starting to get lengthy, so I'll try to speed it up a bit...

Not fully understanding the depth of the statements made by the doctors I respected, I simply moved on, still holding onto my childhood ambitions. I ended up heading off to Hope College immediately following high school. Still fully intending to be a doctor, I was on my way to my medical degree. While at Hope, I was able to take part in some amazing adventures. I was accepted into a cancer research position by the dean of sciences, where I worked on murine and human strands of Leukemia and Melanoma. I was published in 4 medical journals, and participated in a national American Chemical Society conference where I presented my research. It was an incredible two and a half years of science and medicine. I also continued my medical study and participation in both medically and non-medically related experiences throughout my time at Hope. Some of my experiences included the physicians rotation program, Holland Hospital Emergency Department, Mescalero Medical Mission Trip, and Habitat for Humanity. Im not trying to flex my ego, or flaunt my experiences here. I simply want to convey how committed I was to service and the medical arena. It was a blessing to be able to participate in so many opportunities and events at such a young age. I was on top of the world, I was going to make it.

Long story short, I didn't make it. Not yet at least. I currently work in the Holland Hospital ER as a Unit Tech. It is a really unique and exciting experience, but it is not the medical degree I was searching for. Now, as some of my subsequent blogs will convey, I am getting ready to leave Holland MI for Seattle Wa! I really cant wait! Its been a dream of mine for a long time. The mountains, the atmosphere, the people. I plan on leaving snow covered Michigan this May.

Everything is about to change. Will you join me on this journey? It should be entertaining, to say the least.